Easy as F*ck Homemade Chicken Pot Pie

This recipe combines foods from three very important food groups--chicken, pot, and pie.  It is easy and delicious...your f*cking kids will love it!   If you are interested in this recipe, but are not amused by all the f*cking swearing, you can find a boring, PG, clean, unexciting, straightforward, prude version here.



Ingredients:

2 ready made frozen pie crusts--deep dish

2 six-ounce boxes of cornbread stuffing mix (and required butter*)

1.5 lb pre-cooked boneless skinless chicken breast*, thawed and cubed

1 can (10.75 oz) cream of chicken soup

1/3 cup sour cream

1 bag (16 oz) frozen mixed vegetables, thawed, drained

1/4 cup dried onion flakes (optional)

1 cup shredded cheese

ground black pepper to taste


Directions:

Preheat oven to 400ºF.  Take frozen pie crusts out of the freezer and allow to thaw at least 10-15 minutes.

Prepare stuffing mix as directed on package (mix both together).  Set aside.

In a large bowl, mix cream of chicken soup and sour cream together.  Add vegetables and chicken, and onion flakes if desired.  Add black pepper according to your preference, and mix well.  Divide this mixture evenly between the two pie crusts.

Top both pies with stuffing, spreading it evenly across the top.  Sprinkle shredded cheese over the stuffing.

Bake at 400ºF for 30 minutes, or until top is browned.


NOTES:

This recipe also works well as a casserole--skip the pie crusts and put it all in a 9x13 casserole dish.

The stuffing usually calls for 1/2 stick (1/4 cup) of butter per box.  I only use 1/4 of a stick at most for both boxes combined,  and seriously, with the pastry crust, sour cream, cream of chicken soup, and the cheese...you will not miss that butter.  And trust me, your ass and thighs will thank you.  And you can thank ME.  I just saved that ass an hour and a half on the treadmill.

I buy a 20 ounce bag of frozen, cubed, pre-cooked chicken, and use about half the bag in this recipe.  Yes, it's lazy as shit, but it's easy. I have a f*cking job, I don't have time to cook and cut up my own goddam chicken.

Most of the time, for my vegetables, I like to use half a bag of mixed vegetables (ie, peas, corn, and carrots) and half a bag of broccoli cuts (or broccoli/cauliflower cuts). I'm sorry but I don't really have anything funny to say about this.  I just like broccoli and I wanted to share. F*ck.

The onion flakes are 'optional' because I really only tried them in this recipe for personal reasons--my mom gave me a gargantuan bulk-sized container of dried onion flakes and every time I walk into the pantry it's the first thing I see, and every single time I think to myself, "Jesus f*cking Christ, how the poop am I supposed to ever get through all those onion flakes??" So I started to just use them in everything I can so I can one day have that space available to store something important, like a case of wine.

If you like a juicier pie (oh yeah), you can use up to 2 cans of cream of chicken soup.

Sidebar RE: Cream of Chicken Soup: Why the hell do they even call it 'Cream OF Chicken' soup?  Because to me, it seems like that should mean 'soup made from cream that comes from a chicken'.  And it pisses me off that it makes me wonder how you get cream from a chicken.  Chickens don't make milk, even though they have breasts--which, if you are making this recipe, you are about to f*cking EAT, by the way...I bet you never thought about that before, huh? Doesn't it conjure up the image of somebody milking a tiny chicken tit over your bowl of fresh strawberreis?  Well I bet it does now.  Yeah, you're welcome.  Do you think I like thinking about this shit?   All they would have to do is change the wording to 'Creamy Chicken Soup,' and, problem solved!  I wouldn't have to have all this freaky shit all up in my head every time I walk down the f*cking soup aisle at the grocery store...The same applies to other similar soups, such as Cream of Celery, Cream of Mushroom, and Cream of Potato. Those are f*cking vegetables.  They don't even HAVE tits.  My mind is officially blown.