The Virgin Post; Popping my Proverbial Blog Cherry

About a week ago, I decided to write a book.  About three hours later, I realized that was too hard, so I decided to write a blog instead.  Besides, who reads fucking books nowadays anyway??  

So yes, I am a little bit nervous--I don't want to disappoint; but I hope you'll stay with me, teach me a thing or two, and please, be quite gentle...or at least use some lube or something. 

As monumental as I would like this to be, as my first time blogging, I have learned the hard way from other 'maiden voyages' in my lifetime that it is better to intentionally set one's expectations quite low in order to not be shattered by disappointment upon discovering that the 'earth' doesn't actually 'move' unless your partner can hold his load for more than 60 seconds.  Which, as we know,  is not very common among teenage boys...although there is something to be said for their respawning capacity and energetic zealousness--

Well, it seems I have exposed my hidden meaning....and I digress.  I am trying to say, that I really want to just get this first post out of the way, and as an homage to that fumbling first attempt at intercourse, I will just squeeze my eyes shut, hold my breath for the entire minute...and try not to fart.